ABC for Belgium

B – Beer – A heavenly liquid which Belgians have perfected thanks to centuries of intense contemplation by silent orders of monks. Beer is the very essence of the land, the blood of the nation, heaven served in a variety of peculiarly shaped drinking receptacles.

E – Europe – A nominal extension of Belgium. Not much is known in Belgium about what lies out there, except that it periodically comes to Belgium and is generally full of foreigners. Europe does provide a useful theme for Belgian souvenir shops, in the absence of a well entrenched national image that can be sold as dolls, t-shirts, teaspoons etc.

L – Laws – Extensive collections of words that form an impressive assembly of rules and regulations designed to impose restrictions and conformity on the lives of Belgians. Universally ignored and treated with considerable contempt. On the very rare occasion that a mandate is abided to in Belgium, Belgians like to amuse themselves by trying to also get it instated in all the other member countries of the European Union.

G – Grand Place Brussels – The only bit of Belgium that foreign tourists have heard about before their visit. Ooh aah is that real gold?

I – Italian – A language Belgians learn once they have fluently mastered Dutch, English, French, German and are still interested in meeting a person of the (opposite) sex.

U – Umbrella – A last protection barrier against the Belgian weather. Particularly Belgian is the regular sight of cyclists using an umbrella. Not surprisingly umbrellas become dangerous weapons in the hands of Belgians.

M – Motorway – A large three-laned road connecting major Belgian towns that is spectacularly illuminated throughout the night. Reasons for this are not entirely clear, but viable suggestions include the need to burn up excessively produced nuclear power or to provide runway facilities for alien spacecraft. Also a place where many Belgians have spent several days of their lives in attempts to get to Zaventem.

Here is the entire alphabet.


2 responses to “ABC for Belgium

  1. stagiaire – A person that gets paid for spending five hours per day on Facebook and the rest of the time in the cafeteria; obviously one of the most efficient expenditures on the European level.

  2. Excellent definition – congratulations!
    Though you could also describe stagiaires as future overpaid undertaxed foreigners (= Eurocrates). But that’s less funny…

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